God is man: “perception is key to unlocking the value of everything”

As I sit back attempting to listen to a video on YouTube titled experience of self The Power of God, I couldn’t help but notice all these thoughts dancing around in my head. It’s Saturday afternoon, at 2pm and I feel completely lost. I have had no mood altering substances all weekend, I have not been able to physically “do” much, I managed to take the family dog/earth angel out for a wonderful outdoor adventure yet I allowed myself to burst my own bubble of positivity before I could allow my mother to do it for me. I retreated into a guest bedroom where I had been battling off a cold for the better part of the week. In my attempt to shut out the complexity of my own reality and at the same time contain myself to just one room as though not to disturb anyone else in the house with my breathing. Generally I’d be challenging every negative vibe with a positive alternative however I’m just too run down at this point in time and space to do much more then curl up and cry. Yes a 33 year old woman who has been through alot of horrible things way more “cry worthy” then this. This, what is this I speak of? This overwhelming call of action to be compassion and voice of reason to fight fear with love and to create an impenetrable force field of love and light and life in with and through me because that is all that I am. That is all that we all truly are, yet if that’s the case why is surrendering to the peace in the eye of the storm feel so wrong. Why does it get met with such adversity. Why can my own mom hate me for being this burst of light in a dim world. And why would I care, why does what anyone think or say to or about me mean anything? Why does it have me locked away in some room hidden away like the family’s illegitimate love child who doesn’t deserve to live and experience the fullness of life? This weekend I’ve stuffed my face with all kinds of defensive emotional eating favorites, I’ve been extremely harsh on myself for those old patterns arising after so much internal healing I thought I’d already completed. Sleeping and eating, eating and sleeping around the clock, my body aching from pains that I thought were a thing of the past. I could easily find temporary solutions as i usually did to cope with my pain, that the false perception of feeling abandoned/separated from life and the need to abandon or live a life of separation sometimes at the same time which caused overwhelming emotional and physical outbursts and effects in all mental emotional physical spiritual bodies. It hadn’t dawned on me until this very moment that all these experiences are to the naked eye negative or wasted, meaningless ect, however that is malarkey. Two opposing factors are needed in the equal amount to bring balance back, in my case alignment. Like an alarm life events, can be both an annoying reason to rush and hit snooze as well as a welcoming wake up call to rise and shine! It’s all in our own perception of our selves first, our purpose for being. What is it that we bring to the world, it’s really just in how we view ourselves because the real absolute truth is that everything matters and at the same time nothing matters. What we feel is because of our own creative mindset and our physical being is a unique and individual expression of what we choose to create from our life experiences! We are our own balance. Once we stop trying to resist who we truly are, all expression of the creator and the divine unconditional love, that just Is. We can accept ourselves and eachother for who we are at the core and at each now moment in time. We can love ourselves compassionately and be kind to ourselves and just be. By that simple gift however it may be for each one of us, by allowing ourselves to receive that bit of peace and joy in the eye of the storm it brings forth so much love and calm to the universe that is hardly ever seen but felt for all eternity. Love you all, imperfectly perfect true authentic co created vversions of the life experiences of the all mighty! Iam so we are! Love is all there is! It is not faith that moves mountains, it is love that is the center of all there is that draws in the energy needed to move the mountain!